Everyone on earth had two parents. Should you be fortunate enough, your parents will still be around when you start raising a family yourself one day. Having your parents in the house when you have small children could unluckily also be a source of unhappiness and conflict.
Having your parents live on the same premises could be a huge blessing for a working family. The kids will not be alone. The house will not stand empty all day and be a magnet for burglars. There will be somebody to regularly water the garden and perhaps even prepare food for the family when they come home after a busy day at the office.
Many of the problems arise because the grandparents might interfere with the way their children raise the grandchildren. Or simply because you feel that you have no privacy any more. That is why it’s a good idea to make a sound investment in this regard: build a separate flatlet for your parents where they can go on with their own lives to a large extent.
Make sure it has its own kitchen, so your mother can still cook for her and your father. Equip it with everything she needs, including an oven. A good quality Delonghi oven will last for many years and is unlikely to ever need much maintenance.
Also ensure that they don’t have to climb steep stairs to get to the apartment. If an elderly person suffers from leg arthritis (for example), it’s very difficult for them to climb stairs. Also provide a wheelchair ramp – somewhere in the future it’s highly likely either your mother or father will need it.
Then allow them to spend some time with the grandchildren. You absolutely have to compromise here. It’s terrible for elderly people if their children cuts them off from their grandchildren. Once in a while take the baby bath to your parent’s flat and allow grandma to give a hand during the bathing ritual – it will remind her of the days when you were young and make her feel needed again.
You don’t have to take your parents with every time you go for a drive or visit friends. But never taking them with you anywhere is sure to harm your relationship and make them feel unwelcome. Make a point of going on a family trip once a week where grandpa and grandma are able to bond with their grandchildren.
You should never forget that you will also get old – much sooner than you ever dream it will happen. The example you set for your own children now, will eventually determine how they are going to treat you when you become old. Maybe it’s a form of karma, but treating your parents badly when they are old has a way of backfiring in a nasty way…
Tags: caring for elderly, Parenting